we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
