Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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