If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
