he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
