Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
