You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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