Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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