he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
