so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize