Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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