I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
