He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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