Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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