There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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