I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
