I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
