is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
