HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
