I got her a Nickelback box set.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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