dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Can Purell be used as lube?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
