Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
