My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
