Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Randomize
