we have officially lost it.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
