I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
