He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
