I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
