i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
