girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
