did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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