Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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