my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
