just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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