i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I want to fling myself into the sun
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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