My hand turned me down
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
