Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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