I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
