Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
