She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
