I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
