I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
