Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
