Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
