I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
