I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
