So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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