areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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