If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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