I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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