I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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