I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
