Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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