I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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