Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
